September 8, 2014 by Dadinator
It’s been a while since I wrote, sorry about that. Life gets hectic. Rapidly hectic. Given the time of year and all I thought I’d let you know how we are going and wish you all the best on Father’s Day. I know I never did a good father’s day when I was small. We’d meet, have lunch, you’d pay and we’d talk. Talk and talk about wars, history, life, the outback… The conversations we’d have.
I was bouncing with The Lad on the trampoline today. I don’t know how that happened, I thought he’d bounce on his own, but he asked me to join him and I love trampolines (and him) so in I went. Between bounces and “big bum drops” as we call them (I drop from standing to sitting and make the trampoline very unsteady for a while, he falls over and laughs – uncoyth I know) we started conversing.
He’s just started to converse. He inquires, he engages and he gives his opinion on everything. He’s nearly three, you see, its moving on from simple question and answer stuff for him, he’s learning that words make the world and he’s busy making his own. We didn’t converse about history or the ways of the world. Actually I can’t remember what we were talking about. I think he said “I love you” and melted my heart a little bit more (he does that a lot), and I felt impelled to tell him about today.
Today was father’s day. So we went to see his male progenitors. Granddad and his great granddad, who he is so lucky to have in his life. But then I explained “Dad has a dad”. He repeated it back to me, as toddlers do. “You see, dad has a dad too”. “The Lad has a dad” he replied again. Of course he used his name he didn’t say “The Lad” but I use that on this blog as a means of giving him a little bit of anonymity. It’s what you do on the internet… I know, computers were never your thing…
I don’t know if I did a good job, I don’t even know why I was doing it. Sorry to say dad, but he didn’t ask. It was me. He didn’t need the story, I think I just needed to tell him. I told him “Dad has a dad, but he went away”. I hope you don’t think I’m pissweak for putting it that way. He knows the word “die”, we’ve lost a couple of chickens since moving out here, and I explained it to him that they had died. But they’re chickens. You’re my dad, saying it like that to him was something I wasn’t able to do. I don’t know why, it was like my mind wanted to wall off that concept from him at that moment.
He’s bigger now. Bigger and bolder. He still has your eyes. Everything else is from his mum, but those eyes are your eyes. Bright and blue. He’s smart, especially with words, I think he gets that from you too. He saw your brother today, he described him as a “viking” because of his colouring. Of course, The Lad was more interested in toy cars than conversation, but there’ll be other occasions. I guess my point is that I’m trying to make sure he knows your family. I know you’d have wanted that.
It was The Lass’ first father’s day this year too. She’s one soon. One…. Did it go this fast with me? Sometimes I swear we brought her home last week. Sometimes it feels like single nights arenever-ending. Time is complicated.
She’s cute. She can say a few things, dad, mum, her brother’s name, cat. She loves songs “Row Row Row your boat” seems to be her favourite, she asks for it saying “roro!” and rocking back and forth. She is shy and clingy, much more so than The Lad ever was. She burrows into my chest some times, I think she’s going to leave a dint in my sternum. Part of me hopes she does.
And me? Well I keep trooping on. I am and remain besotted with my children. We’re trying to make this place work for us, planting fruit trees, building a chook house (I’ll finish it soon, I swear), tidying up the garden and carving our live into the land. There is plenty going on and plenty to do. I fight fires sometimes, I don’t know if I mentioned that before, but I volunteered for the CFA and have been an active member for about a year now. I like to think I would make you proud.
I’ve said it before, but I want you to know that I’ll tell the kids about you. That’s an ironclad promise. The Lad’s still to young to really get the concept, but I’ll keep trying.
Anyway, I really wanted to say happy Father’s Day, and provide what assurances I can that even though they can’t talk to you, your grandkids will know you through me.
Love you Dad.